06 September 2013


I have a pretty amazing life. I have a great job, I am part of a really fantastic charity where I get to dress up in costume and make kids smile, I get to do what I love when as a freelance costume designer/makeup artist, I have the opportunity to be in shows quite often, and I am working to become a powerlifter. It's all amazing! I get to go places and do things that people dream about, but sometimes it gets hard. Maybe it's just a matter of being overwhelmed, burning the candle at both (or six...) ends, or maybe I can't make a decision on what to do with my life. Sometimes life stuff is hard. My body aches and I can't figure out why or how to fix it. People do or take things, disappointment hits me hard, I feel like I'm not very pretty or that I won't ever find someone who will want to spend the rest of forever with me. I feel like my friends aren't necessarily against me, but they aren't for me either, and the stress gets to the point where I'm just maxed out. That's where I'm at right now. My life isn't perfect. Sometimes it's hard. Sometimes I just want to scream and cry and be held and not and read a book or write a letter and sleep and sing and sit in silence all at the same time. And then sometimes I don't do any of it, or I do some combination of them.

I am very blessed to have some amazing friends and family and a crazy, but awesome kitty. I do love my life, but sometimes... I have hard days.


JalenJade (Jeff) said...

You're beautiful. You're amazing in ways that can't be described without babbling on for days. You do over-work yourself but I think you'll figure out the balance eventually. (Or I now know someone with a rubber mallet to beat it into you.) Maybe you're looking in the wrong places or for the wrong things. Don't look for forever, look for the now. Look for someone who is willing to spend a day with you, and then the next day, and the next, no matter how you're feeling, find that person and take things day by day. You'd be surprised how that can work.

I know you know someone who will let you scream, cry, be held, be nearby, read, write, sleep, sing and be silent at the same time. (Okay the holding and not holding at the same time, actually impossible or it ends up being like two toddlers. "I'm not touching you, I'm not touching you." "MOM!")

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