06 March 2010

Breakdown

So today I had planned on being very productive.  I started off well by going to the gym.  The work out was hard, but definitely not impossible even though my legs were already tired from working them yesterday.  Unfortunately, something in me snapped toward the end of my workout and I’m not even sure what triggered it, but it became pretty apparent to me that if I spoke, I was going to loose it.  I held it off for a while and tried to channel my weird emotional instability into my lifting (by the way, I dead lifted 95 lbs which is a personal best and my trainer said he was proud of me for doing it, but I digress).  For even a brief moment, I thought I was going to get away with it, but as I began my last super set of back extensions and inclined sit-up’s tears started rolling down my face and I could not control them.  Now let me just say this: I do not cry in front of anyone at anytime for any reason.  I do not do it as a matter of personal policy.  In fact, I could probably count on two hands the number of times I have done it since I graduated from High School, so this was crazy!  My trainer, being the sweet hearted guy that he is (even though he will never really admit to it) looked a little worried about me and told me to just leave it there for the day.  It was totally embarrassing and I was not sure where it came from, but I went to the bathroom and just sobbed for a couple of minutes.  Then I came back and ran for 45 minutes.  It was quite upsetting and after that, my day went to pieces.  I did walk the dogs with my sister and I got one load of laundry done, but mostly I sat on the couch and watched “Ghost Adventures” with my sister.  Not a productive day.  In fact, I rather feel like I didn’t do much and just felt gross all day.  Sigh.  Oh well.  I guess we all have those days every now and again where it all just comes out and we break down a little bit… Mine was today.  Hopefully, that got all of the stress and anxiety out of the mix and now I can concentrate on what needs to be done to get into my condo!  Cross your fingers for me please!  It’s taking a lot longer and way more energy than I had hoped or expected it to.  Here’s to agreeing that tomorrow will be a better day and that maybe I’ll actually get around to doing my hair or actually cleaning my room.  :D

 
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